Project Redwood

One of my students came up with the name Project Redwood when we were talking about a new guy I was seeing who happened to live in Northern California. I love it. Makes me feel like 007, talking in code.

I joined eHarmony in May of 2007, mainly because my mom had met her husband on the site and I had never seen her so happy. I went on many, many, MANY first dates. Notice I say first dates.

We kicked off the adventure with "The Masturbator." We only spoke on the phone once, and for obvious reasons, I cut the phone call very short. . . . ok, let's try this again.

Guy number two was sincere and sweet and very, very sweaty. Poor guy sweat right through our meal and continued the disaster by belching up his steak and onions all during the movie. (Let me just say EEEEWWWWWWWW!) We saw the new James Bond movie, which I loved and was very into, except that Mr. Sweat kept touching my back and legs. I had to stay one step ahead of him, because I didn't really want to slap him in the theater. (I mentioned the movie was really good right?) He walked me to my car and came in for a goodnight kiss....at which point, I turned around, got in my car and drove a crazy route home, just in case he was following me.

Guy number three was in the army, but had a very special secret that he and his recently deceased, sainted wife kept.

He liked to wear women's clothes and makeup.

No. I am not kidding. Now, here's the thing...that doesn't scare me or make me freak out because, good for him. To be comfortable enough with yourself and to want to find someone to love you for you is what we are all doing, so to each his own. I don't judge him for his lifestyle, I just don't want to play.

The next contestant decided after our first date, that he was in love with me. He brought me flowers EVERY DAY for a week and when I told him that this was very sweet but a little too much, he started calling me every.......five........minutes. When I finally answered, he blurted out that he was going to die without me and that if he couldn't have me, no one would. Nice. He actually called me one Sunday when I was out shopping with Vickie and told me he couldn't get into my backyard because the sprinklers were on. I tried hard to casually ask him WHY he would need to get into my backyard, and he said that he had mowed my front yard and trimmed my shrubs and just wanted to finish the job. We lovingly refer to him as the "Lawn mowing stalker" and Brad at work has this guys name in case I go missing one day.

The men after that were all a blur...except for one who told me during his glass of chardonnay that he was, in fact, gay. Hm. What was in my profile that was making this happen?

Then, one afternoon in August, I was matched with a man who looked so familiar to me, that I stared for awhile, trying to place where I knew him from. This guy had actually 'closed' me, because we lived too far away from each other. I had been 'closed' by a dozen men before, and my only thought was to move on. What did I care if they closed me before they got to know me? But this man was different. His posts were funny and wry and I couldn't shake that I somehow knew him. I sent him a 'please reconsider' post and the next thing I knew, we were sending guided communications across the net. Usually the process takes awhile, with both people being busy....but this guy and I started emailing back and forth so quickly, it became apparent that we did, indeed actually need to talk. Late that night, after a series of posts during which I would type something then compulsively check to see if he had answered in between other chores and things, I started realizing that I wanted to 'chat' with him all night, but couldn't sit at my computer any longer. That was when we decided to actually talk. He gave me his number, told me to wait until he got his children to bed at 9:30 and to call him then.

I was sooo nervous. I was also a little scared he would turn out to be cuckoo for Coco Puffs, so I wanted to be able to use the call blocker to block my phone number. Turns out, I am an idiot and couldn't make it work, so I called him from my cell, just in case.

He answered, with a soothing voice, gentle manner, sharp, sarcastic wit..........

Oh! The promise I heard in that voice!

................................................... and the adventure began.

Next up; MOM!

How do I even begin to talk about my mother? She is intelligent, quick witted, sarcastic, genuine, brave, fierce about her family, loyal, opinionated, not afraid to try new things and has a soft, chocolate, center. (She actually put that gem into her description of herself on an online dating service until Stacey and I laughed her out of it.)

More later.....

Cody, Bex and Brody

My only other sibling has turned out to be my role model for relationships. Cody is 12 years my junior, rowdy, energetic, optimistic, not afraid to take chances and completely devoted to his family.

I remember when he was born, all I wanted to do was hold him and entertain him. I used to have to put him down for naps on his 'fraggle' and tap his back in a series of threes to get him to go to sleep. He was incredibly annoying and supremely entertaining at the same time.
He has grown into a confidant for me. Someone with whom I can share secrets and get absolutely no judgement in return. We have gone on runs in 115 degree weather where I have bared my soul to him and he didn't once say to me "Are you nuts?"

He is a devoted husband and father and has a vision for himself and his life that makes him unwilling to settle for second best. He is not one of those men who will spend his life doing what he needs to do in order to get what he wants. He is a man with the courage to pursue what he wants to do in order to provide for his needs. Brave, loyal, funny as hell, mischievous and the only one who can hug me like my dad used to.

His wife is the perfect addition to our family. She is strong, opinionated, silly, and amazing mother and has the uncanny ability to let Cody be Cody. She is the perfect sister that Stacey and I never knew we wanted...but it turns out we need her too. She is an amazing mother to Brody, and my favorite person to have a drink with and sit around the campfire. She is totally honest, insightful and FUNNY without even realizing it.

I am blessed beyond reason the have these three terrific people in my life.

Stacey Diane, Practically Perfect in Every Way.

Other than my children, the thing I am most grateful for is my family, so I thought I would take a few minutes to say something about them. My sister is 25. That makes me 13 years older than her...which means nothing other than her butt is better than mine. Well, OK, and she has no gray hair and crows feet...but we are the same age everywhere else. She is determined, fierce, funny, trustworthy, has great rhythm and is the best aunt I have ever witnessed. She laughs like nobody on the planet, with her nostrils and shoulders shaking, she sounds like a chicken with hiccups. I used to call her at work and say ridiculous things just to make her lose it. She actually had to make a sign that she held up that said, "I am ok, I am talking to my sister" because people thought she was choking.

She has never once failed to come when I need her, and although I am older, she is wiser and frequently talks me down from the ledge. She is one of my best friends and confidants.

We have driven to Disneyland on a whim, seen hundreds of movies and spent hours driving aimlessly sharing secrets and snacks. In February of 2007, we drove to the Natural Bridge up in Payson. On a slick, 2 lane, mountain road, with a 1500 foot cliff on one side and a mountain on the other, my back tires slid out from under the suburban and we crashed. We slammed into the mountain and then started to flip. All I could think about as we rolled over and over was that we were going over the edge. When we finally stopped, we were upside down. Surrounded by glass, I couldn't imagine how I was going to get Stacey out without cutting her to shreds. We both felt something push us over to upright at the same time. We are sure it was our Dad. :) When we landed, we looked at each other and she yelled, "Put on the brake, " and we had to climb out the windows. There was no cell reception, and we were on a rarely traveled forest road, so we had to wait for someone to come by and had to send them to get a park ranger. It was terrifying, but we walked away unscathed. She had a cut on her palm, I had some broken ribs and a concussion, and we both had wicked whiplash. We spent the next few days recuperating by laying on my trampoline in the sunshine in pain, but laughing. Laughing because we could, because we were alive, because we were together and because it would take more than a slippery mountain road to take us from each other.

She is one of my heroes and I am thankful to my Heavenly Father for allowing us to be together.

I look forward to seeing what happens in her life as she gets older. It will be every bit as amazing as her.

Love?

Thinking a lot about love and what it means to be "in love." People frequently express the sentiment that they love someone, but they are not in love with them. What does that mean?

I love my children, I love my family, I love my dog, I love blueberries, I love the sound of Hawley Lake and the smell of the ocean, but how can my love for blueberries equal how I feel about my children? The answer is that it cannot. There are all different kinds of love.

With that being said, what am I looking for in my life? What kind of love am I interested in having for me? What kind of relationship, what kind of man? Marriage or living together? Manly he-man or sensitive guy......can you find both in one man? Can you truly love one person for the rest of your life? FOREVER?

I think I am looking for a man who can communicate. Someone who will discuss the events of the day and life with me and listen to me prattle on endlessly about nothing while still thinking I am charming. (Good luck, right?) Someone who can laugh at himself and the chaos of life and be able to talk me down when I let it all get to me. Someone brave. Someone who WANTS to be with me, who thinks I am dead sexy. Someone who can sleep on the trampoline because the weather is nice, who knows I hate roses and that I have a thing for fresh sheets. Someone who will enjoy my attention and affection without feeling smothered and someone who doesn't mind watching as I slowly evolve into my grandmother.

I think I found him. I hope I found him. He makes me feel tingly and bubbly and hopeful for the first time in a century. I am scared. If this is not him, I am scared there will never be a HIM. If this man is not him after all, I don't think HE exists.

If Project Redwood is not the man I think he is, there is a very real possibility that I will become my neighborhood's 'Crazy Cat Lady.' Unfortunately, I am not a huge fan of cats, so I will have to settle for the 'Crazy Dog Lady' and that just doesn't have the same ring to it.

I am crossing my fingers and putting out all the positive energy I have in regards to this situation. I will jump......and if my bungee cord doesn't break my fall, at least I have had a hell of a ride.